• Article Two

    • How can we stop emotionally disturbing and distressing ourselves?

 

 

                                                

 

 
 

 

 


 

Article 1


Article submitted in the Oxford Times Supplement Magazine March 2006

By Abi Strevens MA, SRAsT(M), D. Hyp BSCH

"The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it"

MICHELANGELO



Neuro-psychologists have discovered that because our brain expects something to happen in a certain way, we often achieve exactly what we anticipate -we get what we expect! This is called expectancy theory. Psychologists also say that 90% of our behaviour is habitual. So, in order to move positively forwards in our lives and achieve the things we want, adapting our thoughts and behaviour, even in small ways, can make huge positive changes.

How we feel and think about ourselves, and others, is based on our thoughts, values and beliefs. Strange though it may sound, you alone are responsible and in control of your thoughts and the subsequent feelings that these generate. Therefore our thoughts create our reality. This can be good, positive and empowering or it can be negative, limiting and frightening.

For many people a lack of confidence can cause difficulties in some or all areas of their lives; professional, social and personal. It can even affect our auto-immune and central nervous system causing various health problems

Lack of confidence can be caused by many things, such as; the fear of not being good enough, negative internalised beliefs and comparison to others, a past negative situation, event or experience and fear of the future. A lack of confidence is fear based and can often lead to anxiety, depression and sometimes the development of phobias.

Whatever the cause and origin, we feel a lack in confidence through a combination of:

negative self talk – repeatedly putting ourselves down in our thoughts, with negative and limiting beliefs.

negative rehearsal - repeatedly imagining the very worst that can happen in a situation, event, response

negative over-generalisation – believing that because you have had one unfortunate experience that you will always have a bad experience in similar circumstances

negative over dramatisation –of the reality of a situation, response or reaction.

negative framing – looking at situations in life as the glass being half empty rather than half full

negative filtering – removing all the positive and only seeing and hearing the negative



The good news is that the un-conscious mind believes what the conscious mind tells it, and the brain is designed to solve any problem and reach any goal that you give it. Just as we can programme ourselves to feel, amongst many other things, a lack in confidence, we can programme ourselves to feel good, motivated and confident in our abilities.

Tips on Improving Self-Confidence
Develop positive; self- talk, thinking patterns, problem solving strategies, affirmations and visualisations of the future

Believe in yourself, and that you deserve to succeed and be happy

Acknowledge and focus on your many strengths and skills

Have dreams and short, medium and long-term goals. Plan and take positive action towards achieving these.

Clinical hypnosis is a natural, safe and effective way to make contact and work with the unconscious mind. It provides powerful help in accessing the root of any inhibiting beliefs, and re-frames them in a positive and empowering way.

Under hypnosis you enter a trance state, similar to when you daydream or drift off to sleep. During the trance you are encouraged to visualise and will receive positive suggestions for change. Whilst in this deeply relaxed, receptive and aware state you are able to access both hemispheres of the brain. This enables your unconscious to formulate creative solutions that can then lead to deep and long lasting positive changes in your everyday life. All hypnosis is self-hypnosis and the result of you having full control of the process.

Treatment with a clinical hypno-therapist involves working in hypnosis with the unconscious and conscious mind to recognise and change negative behaviours, thought patterns, belief structures, feeling and habits.

Our mind is a limitless and amazing tool. It is up to us to use it to create the life that we want.


 

Article 2


How can we stop emotionally disturbing and distressing ourselves?

Abi Strevens,

“People are disturbed not by things but the views they take of them”… (Epictetus)


At the core of human emotional disturbance is our tendency to transform desires, wants and preferences into rigid, unhealthy beliefs, rules and demands. These demands might be: I must…; I should…; I have to… I’ve got to; and … it HAS to be!

Often these beliefs are unconscious. Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy works towards making our operating beliefs conscious and identifying whether they are healthy and helpful, or unhealthy and unhelpful.

Think of your mind as a computer. Just as you wouldn’t want a corrupt computer operating system – so you don’t want unhealthy beliefs to be underlying and negatively influencing and informing every action, thought, feeling and behaviour.


An unhealthy and self-defeating belief is:

Unrealistic, irrational, illogical, unhelpful and creates psychological disturbance.

This is what it looks like: “This is absolutely AWFUL and the end of my world”! - negative events are viewed as being exaggeratedly and unrealistically 101% bad.
“I can’t BEAR it”! “I’ll NEVER survive this”! – a perceived inability to tolerate discomfort or frustration.
“I’m useless – that’s why I wasn’t promoted” – putting the self down and negatively rating the self based on perceived failures and inadequacies.

Unhealthy beliefs create:

· distorted, unhelpful thinking
· unconstructive behaviour
· living life in a negatively limiting and destructive way



A healthy belief is:

Logical, realistic, helpful and promotes psychological well-being.

This is what it looks like:

“ This is really difficult and painful but I know that I will get through this somehow and that life will go on, at least I still have xyz” – where 100% bad does not exist as it possible to think of something worse.

“This is really challenging and I don’t like it but I can cope with it and work towards it changing for the better”– the ability to tolerate frustration and discomfort despite having a desire or preference blocked.

“I’m really disappointed about not getting that promotion but accept that I am a fallible human being and that my self worth does not depend on getting that job”. – accepting that all humans are fallible but intrinsically worthy, regardless of their successes and disappointments.

Healthy beliefs accept the fact that we don’t always get what we want and that although this may be very difficult it is not the end of the world!

Healthy beliefs create:

· clear, focused and helpful thinking constructive behaviour
· living life in an empowered, self responsible and positive way


We have a common misperception that an event, person or situation causes us to feel a certain way – that something outside of ourselves or out of our control determines how we are going to feel at any given time, eg. “That massive traffic jam really made me angry and ****** off!”

Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy (REBT) developed by psychologist Albert Ellis, and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), developed by psychiatrist Aaron Beck fundamentally contest this misperception.

They represent this using the ABC model:

A: (Activating event) represents the trigger
B: Represents the belief about the trigger/event. This can be healthy or unhealthy
C: Represents the emotional, behavioural and psychological consequence that follow from the beliefs about A.

This model promotes that unhealthy beliefs will lead to unhealthy consequences and that healthy beliefs will lead to healthy consequences.

Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy works with this model and helps the client to understand that emotions and beliefs are caused by beliefs and thinking. The ABC model also includes disputing irrational beliefs (D); and enabling the client to implement new effective ways of feeling and behaving (E).

This is done consciously through discussion and various tasks, and working directly with the unconscious mind in hypnosis. Hypnosis is a relaxed state of altered consciousness that allows for creative helpful problem solving, negotiation and suggestion for implementing new helpful and healthy beliefs and psychological change.

Our thoughts truly do create our reality and we can choose to create a potentially devastating and negative reality, or a potentially hopeful and positive reality. However this often takes work and self discipline! It can be easy to indulge in negative, victim self talk and create feelings of emotional disturbance.

We need to listen and watch out for the ways in which we disturb ourselves. This might be by distorting reality, demanding, seeing events as awful, discomfort intolerance and detrimentally judging ourselves and others. We can then choose to practise healthy and helpful ways of thinking and subsequently feeling.


Through conscious practice and awareness positive change is always possible!

 

Unhealthy negative emotions Healthy negative Emotions

 

Unhealthy anger Healthy anger
Anxiety Concern
Depression Sadness
Guilt Remorse
Shame Regret
Hurt Disappointment
Unhealthy jealousy Healthy jealousy
Unhealthy envy Healthy envy
 
 
 

 

"I believe that …we are all seeking something better in life…and that happiness can be achieved through training the mind "

H. H. Dalai Lama

 


Tel: 07941 550912         E-mail: abistrevens@ukonline.co.uk

 

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